Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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