Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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