i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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