He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
