we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
