Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
