covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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