As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Randomize
