I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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