dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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