walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
