Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
