I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
