The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
