I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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