I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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