arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He felt like a one man threesome
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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