4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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