just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
