Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
