Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(203): View more from Connecticut

No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.

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(203): No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket. http://tfl.nu/3z5u

Replies (31) Good night (778) Bad night (2398)
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(936): View more from Texas

Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.

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(936): Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy. http://tfl.nu/jygh

Replies (15) Good night (6488) Bad night (684)
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(904): View more from Florida

I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.

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(904): I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever. http://tfl.nu/t49u

Replies (109) Good night (2432) Bad night (3927)
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(630): View more from Illinois

I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.

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(630): I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted. http://tfl.nu/87dj

Replies (84) Good night (7996) Bad night (1465)
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(619): View more from California

Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?

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(619): Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it? http://tfl.nu/4s1d

Replies (34) Good night (2001) Bad night (4553)
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(503): View more from Oregon

She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.

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(503): She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis. http://tfl.nu/3s19

Replies (47) Good night (8771) Bad night (2171)
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(778): View more from British Columbia

We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.

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(778): We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's. http://tfl.nu/nlsl

Replies (12) Good night (2907) Bad night (1032)
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(608): View more from Wisconsin

He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him

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(608): He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him http://tfl.nu/0tzl

Replies (6) Good night (1639) Bad night (2309)
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(301): View more from Maryland

he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.

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(301): he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again. http://tfl.nu/vkbm

Replies (8) Good night (2260) Bad night (632)
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(917): View more from New York City

sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.

(917): View more from New York City

that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.

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(917): sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride. (917): that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks. http://tfl.nu/bp4f

Replies (3) Good night (1589) Bad night (530)
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(847): View more from Illinois

He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.

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(847): He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris. http://tfl.nu/t2sy

Replies (5) Good night (1047) Bad night (900)
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(310): View more from California

Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.

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(310): Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping. http://tfl.nu/k0y4

Replies (16) Good night (1533) Bad night (729)
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(574): View more from Indiana

i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville

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(574): i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville http://tfl.nu/bgwo

Replies (9) Good night (1351) Bad night (525)
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(607): View more from New York

I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.

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(607): I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts. http://tfl.nu/406u

Replies (4) Good night (615) Bad night (795)
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(204): View more from Manitoba

NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.

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(204): NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees. http://tfl.nu/cysh

Replies (1) Good night (492) Bad night (301)

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