her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
19 Teachers Share the Funniest Items Brought to “Show and Tell”
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it