Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
