took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Randomize