I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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