i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
