Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(810): View more from Michigan

I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.

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(810): I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life. http://tfl.nu/vjtl

Replies (3) Good night (1162) Bad night (2037)
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(812): View more from Indiana

There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.

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(812): There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better. http://tfl.nu/hacu

Replies (11) Good night (2606) Bad night (1217)
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(972): View more from Texas

The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?

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(972): The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid? http://tfl.nu/xjdi

Replies (15) Good night (797) Bad night (3415)
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(916): View more from California

do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?

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(916): do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won? http://tfl.nu/7jg6

Replies (29) Good night (2061) Bad night (3655)
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(512): View more from Texas

they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version

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(512): they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version http://tfl.nu/ectn

Replies (32) Good night (2375) Bad night (4728)
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(650): View more from California

after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you

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(650): after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you http://tfl.nu/blf7

Replies (38) Good night (10055) Bad night (837)
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(630): View more from Illinois

i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.

(1-630): View more from Illinois

nothing about this is right.

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(630): i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings. (1-630): nothing about this is right. http://tfl.nu/76cn

Replies (23) Good night (5237) Bad night (1985)
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(785): View more from Kansas

He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms

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(785): He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms http://tfl.nu/p81e

Replies (12) Good night (964) Bad night (3894)
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(206): View more from Washington

My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.

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(206): My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help. http://tfl.nu/31aq

Replies (51) Good night (1053) Bad night (10706)
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(250): View more from British Columbia

Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...

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(250): Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night... http://tfl.nu/bamz

Replies (9) Good night (544) Bad night (1316)
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.

(1-715): View more from Wisconsin

Is that what happened to my face?!

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(715): There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders. (1-715): Is that what happened to my face?! http://tfl.nu/edsg

Replies (3) Good night (1486) Bad night (638)
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(404): View more from Georgia

He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.

(404): View more from Georgia

In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.

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(404): He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer. (404): In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup. http://tfl.nu/9ays

Replies (16) Good night (567) Bad night (957)
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(618): View more from Illinois

How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?

(952): View more from Minnesota

...object impermanence?

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(618): How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion? (952): ...object impermanence? http://tfl.nu/x3dt

Replies (1) Good night (480) Bad night (207)
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(508): View more from Massachusetts

I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!

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(508): I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win! http://tfl.nu/3ow7

Replies (6) Good night (599) Bad night (413)
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(915): View more from Texas

Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.

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(915): Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance. http://tfl.nu/naye

Replies (0) Good night (367) Bad night (148)

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