hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy