piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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