So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Randomize
