Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
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