I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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