He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
