She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
