Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
