Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
