By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
