I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
