I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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