You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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