she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
