So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
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