What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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