We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
