So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
