We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
