Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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