I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
