and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
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