What a fucking waste of an outfit
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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