if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
