i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
