Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
