this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
