when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Randomize
