haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
