I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Randomize