Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Randomize
