Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
either way he was missing a nipple.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
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When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
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Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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