I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
