remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
