today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
