i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
