apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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