I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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