i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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