Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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