I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
