careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
Banned from zoo.
Again?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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