you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
