This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
