I can't watch pbs sober anymore
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
