Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
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she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
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Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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