fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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