you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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