that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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