Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
