A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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