smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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