everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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