So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
well most of my day revolves around power hour
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
