I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
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