Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
