at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
