hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
