Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
